K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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