God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
