there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
