Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
