Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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