hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
