threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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