Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
