just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
