Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
