If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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