id be glad to
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
