So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
