Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
