Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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