you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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