I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
