He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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