I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
