why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
