would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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