I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
