I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
