Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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