im drinking this country out of the recession.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
