I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
