I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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