having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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