yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
