grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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