She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
