Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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