check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
