i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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