the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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