White coat. Heels.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
