im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
