There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
