After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize