he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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