Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
