I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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