Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
