I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
