hotel room ftw
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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