either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
