if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
