Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
