How'd it feel making her break her religion?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
