Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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