Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
