2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
