We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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