Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
