I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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