Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
