Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize