Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
