Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
