Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
