I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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