the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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