I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
