I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
