you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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