HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
