if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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