Apparently you make a good broom.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
