Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
