If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
