Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
