I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
