i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
